"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend."
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Today was a VERY rough day for me. Almost first thing this morning, I was asked to help w/ a Halloween game. The whole reason I’m not here next Friday is to avoid the big Halloween hoopla. But Gail didn’t know that, and so she & Kaylie came up w/ this (really neat) game to do … and asked for my help… and I could have said no, but I didn’t. Because normally it’s the kind of thing I LOVE to do! It’s a pay it forward kinda thing – you’ve been Boo’d (hahaha, works for me, the boo, also!) – we’re going to leave a little treat & giftie on random desks & then a note that says they can choose 2 ppl & leave random gifties… and it’s just HARD and I’m ready to be OVER this and yet I’m scared to be over it because I MISS him and I don’t want to not miss him, but oh my heck I don’t want to be sad like this!!!!!! I am tired of being sad like this, I’m tired of this stupid diabetes, I’m tired of being worried and feeling sick and I’ve had a headache off & on for a week and it’s cuz of STRESS and …. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
*sigh* Then, after all of that, i was trying to focus on the good… Sancho’s for dinner w/ mom tonight. Tomorrow is FRIDAY! Leyton (& Anthony?) ‘s coming over Saturday. Next week I get to go to Chicago. And then it will be NOVEMBER and my birthday and thanksgiving and then December & Christmas & a whole week off work! : )
and then (forgive me for changing case back to my normal writing style!)...
then jen called to see if i could watch the boys. i called mom to see if she wanted to pick up anthony & take the boys w/ us to dinner. she yelled at me. i'm still not sure what got her goat about it... but it was a horrible phone call. then jen texted to say plans may be changing... mom called back to apologize... jen texted to say babysitting was back on...
so, okay, now i'm disappointed about no sancho's, and still reeling about mom's blow up, but happy cuz i get to see the boys! things are looking up! i had planned to run to hallmark & pick up something for the Boo gift, but decided to go to walgreens instead since i had to go there anyway. i ran in & found a couple pumpkin candies (butterfinger & reese's & a russel stover for each gift, and halloween cups to put them in), then ran back to work to deliver them while everyone's gone. then i headed to jen's to see my boys!! : ) i was really happy for a moment, driving...
and then jen texted to say the boys were going to volleyball with her afterall.
i can't go into everything now, which maybe is better. i called mom & she did not make me feel any better, made me feel worse, actually, and i just wanted to CRY but i couldn't. the tears wouldn't come. i turned the music up REALLY LOUD (the rock station was playing really great music like Godsmack & Ozzy & i don't even know the name of the band but the song is one of my favorites to play loud!) and drove around for awhile, in a daze. i finally ended up at taco john's, because i was starving and still wanted mexican. texican. whatever. lol
i came home, and was just ... bummed. depressed. seriously, i've been in this depression for awhile, but it's like today i just gave up. i wasn't very nice to a couple ppl, and had to apologize.
then, my dearest april helped me out a lot. thanks, april! it was very good to get it all out. and then i called my boss & took tomorrow off, and it's like a weight lifted... i'm planning to SLEEP until whenever, and get some things done around the house, and watch BUFFY and read my People... basically take a much needed ME DAY. and lots of prayer. i need this depression and icky feeling to go away. i'm reallllly ready for it to go away now.
anyway, i'm feeling better since talking to april (and joy), and making the decision to take tomorrow off.
and also, Buffy. i *heart* sarah michelle gellar. : ) and everyone else on the show, too, but she's one of my girl-crushes.
and there were great things about today, it was sandra's birthday & we had treats & i got a lot accomplished & the Boo game really is a fun thing... (Positive energy Carrie is struggling to come out!) i hope everyone else's thursday was amazing and marvelous and that all our fridays go SUPER! : )