"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend."

Saturday, 27 August 2011



so, i've been around leyton when he's had tantrums.  many, many times.  but not ever to this degree & not ever when it's just been him & me.  

i know he'd been excited about coming over, because phil called me at 2 & i could hear leyton saying, "tell her to pick me up now, dad!"  : )  if only... but there were a couple ppl coming to the hawkeye at like 3 or something, and jen wanted them to see leyton, so that's why she'd said 3:30 to pick him up.  

i got to the bar about 3:45, and i guess jen & phil were already playing because leyton was outside w/ their friend.  he came running up to the car & was in a seemingly good mood.  i had to stop at WM to pick up a couple things.  he didn't want to go in, and if i hadn't NEEDED to, i would have said okay i can get it another time.  so i bribed him that he could get a $1 toy.  and things started out okay.  he was in a good mood!  i picked up a couple things, then we spent some time in the toy area, he picked out a hot wheels & we were on our way to the milk.  however, i had to stop at the loo.  he was still in a good mood.  then, suddenly, literally out of the blue, the tantrum began.  

it started w/ "i want a movie."  i explained that we couldn't get a movie this time because i didn't have the money.  he went into the normal, "i want my mommy/daddy/gramma/whoever will give in to my demands for a movie" routine.  he stomped his foot & folded his arms & said over & over, "i want a movie!"  pretty normal fare.  then it turned into "i want my mommy," and when i said she was playing volleyball right now & there wasn't anything i could do about that, the full-blown tantrum began.  

at first, i didn't think it would be too bad.  i mean, normally i can distract him out of these things pretty quickly.  this time, tho, he was digging his heels into this tantrum, and there was just no stopping it!  in the middle of the movie area of WM!!  now, i was aware of the ppl around us, certainly.  but i was focused on him and his needs.  i didn't want to be too hard on him, or too lenient because that behavior is so NOT acceptable.  after awhile, i walked away, because he wasn't getting up off the floor in front of the movies, and went around an aisle.  he didn't like that at all.  and he wasn't following.  so i went back, because he said he would come w/ me.  he didn't.  so i walked away again, and he screamed louder.  so i went back & picked him up off the floor & he kicked off his flip flops & i put him in the cart.  then he wouldn't stay seated in the cart, of course, because he's screaming his head off that he doesn't want to be IN the cart, and so he was standing up hanging on to me & trying to get out of the cart.  

i'm trying to wheel the cart over to the flip flops while holding him in the cart & stopping him from climbing out, but not hurting him while trying to protect him.  cuz ya know how sometimes that happens?  and being aware of that, it was just a lot of thinking & yet instinct, if that makes sense!  finally i made it over to the flip flops & got them up into the cart while maintaining a hold on leyton so he wouldn't flip the cart or fall out of it while trying to escape.  

did i mention that all this time he is screaming in my ear that he wants his mommy & doesn't want to stay w/ me?  

eep.  :(

so, he gets his flip flops on & stops screaming long enough for me to tell him he can get out of the cart if he sticks w/ me & keeps up, but as soon as he gets stubborn & doesn't move w/ me, he's going back in the cart.  we at this point are in the book area.  we start walking, and he says he doesn't want to see the fish (which is just him being contrary because he LOVES to see the fish), so we detour around pet supplies.  we're just about to the milk when he decides he does want to ride in the cart after all.  he continues to "cry" and whine and yell about wanting mommy, while i continue to tell him she's playing volleyball & there's nothing i can do about it.  

i call phil.  he, of course, is also playing vb, but will call me back.  i get milk & leyton says he wants some fruit punch, but i tell him i'm not going to buy it if he isn't spending the night because i don't have the money to just have it in my fridge.  phil calls back, leyton talks to him - then is mad that it's not his mom, so phil puts jen on the phone.  then i talk to jen & she says i can go ahead & bring him by the bar.  

so, i don't get the fruit punch, i put the root beer back, and i tell him we're putting the cars back.  he starts another fit.  now, i do not agree w/ giving in to fits.  i don't agree w/ rewarding bad behavior.  but sometimes, sometimes it is just easier to not fight over the 84 cent toy!!  so i told him he can pick ONE car to keep.  he picked the school bus.  which secretly made me happy, but i was also disappointed to have to put the other car back, because it was a fire department race car & really cool!  ah well, maybe when i have money i'll go back & get it.  

anyway.  he was all pouty at the register & the cashier was giving him a lecture about being nice to his aunt.  he was nicer for a little bit.  when we got to the car, i told him how his actions had hurt my feelings & disappointed me, and asked him what was going on.  he was quiet.  but then started in about wanting his mommy again.  so we went to the hawkeye & jen came out & told him that she couldn't take him home right now.  i thought about telling her she could just get in my car & i could take them both home... but i didn't think she would take me up on it, and didn't want her to have to explain to leyton that she was choosing to stay w/ her friends over being w/ him.  one of those friends was there, telling her to stop babying him.  ummm.  

oh, and THEN, the kicker (for me) - jen asked if i had any tylenol.  i said yes, and then she said, oh, give him some when you get home.  he had a fever this morning & he didn't get a nap (which i knew).  

so... he had a fever this morning, but you still took him to the bar all day & didn't give him a nap, AND didn't tell me about the tylenol thing until just now?  thanks.  

*sigh*  that sounds judgy, but i don't really mean it that way.  it's just my opinion that if you know your 4 year old has a fever, you cancel your plans & stay home w/ the kid.  

anyway, so after jen went back in, the tantrum started anew.  "i want my mommy!"  breaking my heart, kid!  and i realized that i don't have any CHILDREN'S tylenol, but that mom might, so we headed to gramma's.  tantrum continued.  "turn off the music!"  to which i replied that i would turn off the music as soon as he stopped whining.  he continued to whine, i continued to listen to music (some really good songs were on, too, which was good because i needed them!  LOL).  we did have some discussion intermixed with the whining... 

when we got to gramma's, he didn't want to get out of the car, so i took the groceries in & gave him a few minutes, thinking he'd come in on his own.  he didn't, so i went out to the car & he was being VERY bratty, so i picked him up & carried him into the house.  kicking & screaming.  he once again lost his flip flops, so i went back out to get them.  when i came into the house, he shouted at me that i should go away & he wanted to be alone, and he ran into phil's room & shut the door.  so i said, "okay," and walked away.  he said, "where are you going, aunt carrie?"  in his normal leyton voice.  i said, "you want me to leave, so i'm going to leave."  and i grabbed my purse & walked out the door.  (obviously i'm not really leaving, folks, put the panic button down.  LOL)  

i had been outside about 30 seconds when he opened the door, crying, and said, "aunt carrie, come back!"  i went back in the house & said, "i thought you wanted me to leave so you could be by yourself."  he said, "no, i don't want to be by myself."  so i sat on the couch & he curled up in the recliner & fell asleep.  i got his blanket from bed & tucked him in.

he took about a 20 minute nap, til the phone woke him up, but it was enough to "reboot" him.  mom got home w/ the tylenol & we ate dinner & watched there goes a train & he shared his sandwich w/ me & his mood was greatly improved.  

he decided he did want to spend the night at my house (*happy dance*) so we left around 8:30 & came home to play in the tub.  he even let me wash his hair, which is always a battle anywhere else.  of course, i don't dump anything over his head when i wash - i put soap on my hands & scrub his hair, then use a wet washcloth to get the soap out.  it seems to work anyway!  *laugh*  we scrubbed his feet & hands, but not his arms because they had a bunch of temp tats that he wanted to keep.  heh.  

we popped popcorn & watched a thomas movie & played w/ my old cell phones.  then, when the movie was over, he ZONKED out on the couch.  i'm not sure if i'll try to move him when i go to bed or not.  if i leave the light on in the guest bath he should be okay out here... i think... hmmm.

SO!  that is my story of the cycle of a 4 year old's tantrum.  *laugh*  i wasn't sure if i was going to share the whole story or not, but decided that you should all see a well-rounded version of leyton, and not just the "always happy" version.  he is mostly happy, but he's also a KID and it's normal to have tantrums.  idk if it's normal to have them quite to the degree of the one today, but since he was both TIRED and not feeling well, i'm giving him some slack.

plus, ya know, i kinda love the kid bunches.  : )  

i'm gonna watch some tdd vs. victor & hit the hay myself.  


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