dreams

i feel like the love of my life was just ripped from my arms.  it's 4:22 AM & i've just awoken from a dream that seemed so real at times  -  and yet at others i was pretty sure it was a dream.  it was really long - at first i was a spy, and exchanging information.  the information i had to take back to my ppl was in a purse, and i had to escape the (chinese or korean) government before they figured out what was in the purse.  i hopped in a van - and was suddenly on a family roadtrip, w/ daddy driving.  and leyton was there instead of phil.  or, phil was on a different vacation.  anyway, we drove around looking for cheap gas prices... and on this trip, we came across a recurring house in my dreams.  i've dreamed of this house since i was little, tho i've never been there in real life as far as i know.  this time, the house belonged to relatives or old friends of my dad, who he'd had a falling out with, and he didn't want to visit them.  but i knew someone important was at that house, a man i had been in love with for years, and who i hadn't seen in awhile.  so i convinced dad he needed to visit these ppl.  we went to the house, and my love was there, but his family was way abusive.  mom protected the littles (there were little kids somehow involved?) and my love's mom... my love & i went off to hang out.  he didn't know he was my love, we were best friends to him.  i tried to tell him... and then it was time to go, and there were many hugs, and i just kept wanting to hug him, i didn't want to leave.  then he received a phone call & he was angry because whomever was on the other end wanted him to do something he couldn't.  he kept saying, "i'm busy, i can't right now!  i love her and she has to leave soon.  it's different when you're in love!"  and i overheard the last part and the pain in his voice, and i thought, "he loves me, too, i must tell him.  i don't know what it will change, but he has to know so he can make a decision."  but then i somehow ended up at a target?  after having that thought & also there being some weird bathroom thing going on, because apparently there is always a weird bathroom thing in my dreams.  :\  anyway, then i woke up, abruptly it seemed because i was searching for my love in the target, and trying to text him to see where he'd gotten off to...

and that is how i sort of feel like i was ripped from the arms of my love!  it sort of left me discombobulated enough that i turned on the computer & had to write about the dream...

okay, now that i've written it out, hopefully i can go back to sleep for a couple hours!!

even tho i still feel like... i can feel the hugs, and i sort of feel all discombobulated.  still.

ttfn.