i feel bad about it, but i reached my last straw with anthony tonight. *sigh* he spent most of the night up in his room, while leyton & i watched disney channel & played in the livingroom & then outside. it's getting dark so early now! and this is just the beginning! lol
anyway, around 8 we turned on america's got talent, and anthony came downstairs for a snack. his attitude was in full swing almost from the get-go, but it was mainly directed at leyton, and leyton wasn't an innocent bystander, so i was refereeing. fairly normal. unfortunately, then for whatever reason, anthony decided to get mean and directed all his angst at me. i can't even repeat what all he was saying/doing, because i don't have a clear timeline for it. all i know is that he was making me feel bullied, abused, and like i wanted to cry - at the same time not wanting to get mean back to him because i didn't want to hurt HIS feelings. and then he said, "nobody wants you here anyway."
and that was it. i don't want to be around someone who doesn't want to be around me. he is 13 years old and is old enough to look after himself. if jen needs someone to watch leyton, i will do so at my house or at phil's if jen is concerned about the cat hair (which is everywhere at my house of course, being the house of a cat as well, and she is allergic!). soon after that happened, jen texted to say she was running late (she'd said she would be home at 9:30 or so, but texted to say it'd be closer to 10. then she texted a little later to say her car wouldn't start & she wasn't sure when she'd be home). i told her that was fine, but that i wasn't going to come over to hang out w/ the boys anymore, and that leyton could stay w/ me or whatever when needed. i told her that if anthony wanted to hang out, and could be nice to me, then i'd hang out w/ him.
it kind of felt like the worst days of bret again, when he was all spitfire & hatred for the ppl who loved him (i.e., aunt sheryl & uncle bill). i just can't handle that bullying. it depresses me, because i love anthony. i've loved him since he was 6 years old & i started babysitting him while jen & phil went on dates. i've watched him grow up & i know he has a sweet heart. unfortunately, it's buried deep, DEEP underneath this mean shell right now, and every time i try to crack thru the shell, hidden spikes come shooting at me, breaking my heart.
i'm not giving up on him - i hope it doesn't seem that way, and i hope that if it seems that way to HIM, it won't for very long. the barb he shot as he went back upstairs, after causing all the havoc being downstairs for an hour sealed it for me that right now he doesn't, and isn't even trying to, understand that HE is doing anything wrong. he is putting it all on me as the bad guy. he said, "and you're going to tattle to mom when she gets home."
well, i'm sorry honey, but it's not tattling. i didn't tell her 1/2 of what went on tonight, only that he was being so mean and rude that i didn't want to be around him anymore until he wanted to be nice. of course, it didn't help that - it was midnight when she got home & she had to go to the bathroom & she made it clear that she didn't want to have to come back downstairs after using the loo, so anything i had to say i needed to say it fast so she could go! i don't think she meant to come off the way she did about that, but it doesn't change the facts.
so, idk what will happen from here. jen of course was very upset, and apologized for his behavior and said they were going to have a long talk tomorrow. i hope that she can get thru to him, but i'm really not holding my breath for a sincere apology or anything. i'm just praying. praying that the Lord will touch his heart. i know he is going thru such a hard time right now - on top of the normal teenage crap that he has to go thru! i just can't let that be an excuse to treat me badly anymore. aside from the fact that i don't want leyton to see him treating me like that & think it's EVER okay to repeat that. i mean, he already does emulate his big brother's attitude to a certain extent, but we are still able to "hey, that's not how we act!" him out of it. much more exposure to that kind of attitude directed at me, however, and who knows?
and so, i ask you my dear readers, please keep anthony in prayer. i am praying that the Lord will touch his heart and take away the MEANNESS. the Lord can chip away at the tough exterior to find what i like to call the REAL anthony much faster and more effectively! pray that the boy who can be happy comes out & stays.
i know the teen years are not all roses & rainbows. i know that kids have issues. but what i've been trying to impart to anthony these past few months, and what i will continue to impart on letyon - you can't always choose your circumstances, but you can ALWAYS choose your reaction to those circumstances. you can strive for an 80/20 kinda attitude - at least 80% should be nice, polite, thankful, helpful, etc., while the anger, hurt, upset, tantrum-throwing should only be 20% at the most. we all have times in our lives when we're NOT happy-go-lucky-everything-is-a-plan-i-love-you ppl. and we should be allowed those times. sometimes things truly SUCK. but don't take it out on others, and don't let the darkness pull you over to their side.
and also, if anyone has any useful tips for how to get thru to teen boys who are determined to be as snarky as a MEAN GIRL, please let me know! normally i can get thru to them w/ logic, but when they won't even stop being snarky long enough to listen, well, i'm at a bit of a loss!
compared to all of that, the rest of my day was a breeze! aside from getting to chat w/ nicki a bit, i thought i was having a stressy day at work (THREE cups of coffee), what with the 900+ photos, payroll cutoff for claims, timecard issues galore... as it turned out, that was the easy part of my day!
thankfully, there WAS fun to be had tonight. anthony was upstairs most of it, and leyton & i had lots of fun. and lots of snuggle time. : )
tomorrow is another busy, busy day, and then dinner w/ michelle unless she has to reschedule. : ) and also BB tomorrow night, which i might be at mom's for, depending on dinner plans! heh. so, happy times, right??
i hope your tuesday was NOT stressy at all, and that wednesday will be blessed for ALL of us.