hmmm. does this mean my dreams for my future and the futures of my loved ones, or the dreams i have at night? i guess i'll just do both!
so, today i was diagnosed w/ the Big D. (and i don't mean dallas!) *sigh* popped up out of nowhere as far as my bloodwork - i've always had LOW blood sugar. but of course i'm high risk... and i guess that caught up to me. i was totally shocked, tho, by it. i really thought that the first one was caused by my not fasting! : ( i'm still in shock, still working out what it means, still trying to figure out how i'm going to afford all the extra doctor's appointments & things! :( of course, not going to the doctor would cost more, and i definitely want to take care of myself...
but i am totally not impressed w/ my doctor & the way she, and the nurse who showed me all the lovely blood sugar meter stuff, treated me today. i mean, this is essentially a bomb of a diagnosis, and maybe they make them every day but I DON'T get it every day (thank God) and ... i left w/ a lot of info but feeling very confused, anxious, annoyed, scared... *sigh* i'd missed lunch, and i was starving, but thinking - what can i eat now? having a diagnosis makes it all ... idk. real? like, certain symptoms could be ignored or attributed to something else, and treated differently. incorrectly? idk, they worked... but now i worry about it.
anyway, now i get the joys of the daily finger prick. medications. figuring out how to balance complex carbs, sugars, and proteins. i've been trying to pay more attention to labels & sugars & sodium & things because of the high BP, but i've never really paid attention to how it all works together... and now i have to, and i am just really confused as to how to balance everything out.
*sigh* i'm not trying to complain - i'm very grateful for all my many blessings! but... this is not one of them. this sucks. and i want it not to suck. remember how i said my favorite babysitter's club character was claudia?? maybe i should have been paying more attention to stacey! argh.
so, along with all of THAT - my dream is to be healthy, to live a good long life, to see leyton & anthony & kaitlyn & charlie & evan & stephen & chase & sarah & andrew & jacob & adam & kathryn & william & arianna(?) grow up & be able to be with them as they do!!! my dream for them is to live healthy, happy lives, knowing & loving the Lord, and knowing they are loved by Him and their families!!
my sleeping dreams are always interesting. my favorite ones are when daddy visits me. : ) but i often have long story-type dreams. sometimes they continue after i wake up & go back to sleep. it hasn't happened lately (knock on wood), but throughout my life i have quite often dreamt of bathrooms. usually when i myself have to go (like the Room of Requirement! pops up when "needed!"). but it's like i'm trapped in my bladder or something. not literally - like, the dream will always start out semi-normal, i usually know it's a dream, but i'm in a bathroom talking to someone or exploring or whatever. sometimes it's one of the old bathrooms from my childhood church or elementary school. sometimes it's a huge locker-room type bathroom w/ showers & the like. there are always normal stalls in the beginning. but then, inevitably, portions of the stalls or walls disappear. and i'm always like, ohhhh... i have to wake up now. my other recurring location is my old elementary school/sunday school building hallways. there was a stretch of time when every week i was dreaming about it! never the same dream, just the same setting, only decorated differently.
and there you have that. i was supposed to meet trish & megan for lunch after my dr. appt, but that didn't happen. the appt was for 10:40 & i didn't get out of there until after noon. !!!! then i was in such shock that i just drove around to try & clear my head & be able to go back to work & be at least somewhat productive. i ended up at arthur's for lunch, a liverwurst sandwich because it's high in iron. also probably high in fat and it was a sandwich so there was a bun, but idk what to eat! anyway, it was good!
when i got back to the office, i was still in a daze for awhile. i got to talk to dave & he helped me out & was way more informative than the dr or nurse had been. i'm grateful for that & that he took the time to talk w/ me about it! i'm still way confused about what I need to do for ME specifically, but i have a better handle on the generalities thanks to him. i'd come in early, planning to stay til 5:30 or so, but then 4:30 hit & i couldn't concentrate on anything but getting home & reading all the material i'd been given, so i left.
came home & had a message about classes i'm supposed to take at the hospital?? idk what that's about but there are FOUR sessions & of course they happen right in the middle of the day. so, great, now i have the stress of being super busy at work & already dealing w/ OT (tho thankfully so far not as much as some areas have had to put in!) & now i am going to have to miss 4 1/2 days for these classes? (four "half-days" not four and a half days, just to clarify...) and i keep flashing back to being ... however old i was, 12 maybe?, when i had to go to weight watchers meetings at the hospital and it scared me away from WW for life! AAARRRRGGGHHHHH... oh, and i also had a message from the financial dept of the doctor's office, because i still owe them $25 from the last visit & i couldn't pay them up front for this visit (hello, you have to put it thru my insurance anyway so i can get the discount, duh!). did i mention that stress isn't good for the BP or the BS???
at least i got to chat w/ april & watch BB (oh so happy w/ the winner of america's choice prize, but not w/ the overall winner. he did great, but i think the other guy did better!). watched last night's AGT & had johnna tell me who won tonight (HAPPY!). : ) got to chat w/ joyums. : )
now i really want to sleep. i'd like to just sleep tomorrow away, but it's leyton day, so i don't really want to miss out on that!! i do need to figure out if i'm going to tell mom this news tomorrow or wait until next week after i've gone to my first class & have some sort of handle (i hope) on this whole crazy situation... anyway, i hope your day was better. take care & keep me in prayer if you think of it... thank you! ttfn...