"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend."

Wednesday, 25 January 2012


i'm feeling very overwhelmed this week.  at work, at home, in life. 

at work, my coping mechanism is to be very organized and schedule out blocks of time to get things done.  i'm not rigid - if i schedule 2 hours for task A & it actually takes 2 1/2 hours to complete, i just move the schedule around.  it doesn't upset me, generally, or anything.  

at home, my coping mechanism is pretty much to ignore.  i make lists in my head of the things i want to do or things i think should get done - like organizing my library and movies, my desk, my clothes... but when i get home from work i am TIRED and i just want to watch my shows & read & eat dinner & then go to bed.  being tired (TIRED) doesn't stop me from planning things after work, however - dinners w/ friends, hanging out at trish's or w/ mom & leyton (& sometimes anthony when he deigns to hang out w/ us!  lol)... last night there was a dance troupe i wanted to see out at the JD HQ (they have a visiting artists series every few months), but by the time i left work at 6 i just wanted to be home.  so i guess the doing things after work is hit or miss.  *laugh*  

the "in life" portion of the overwhelming feeling is tied to finances, health, eating habits, etc... i feel like the only way to "make it" w/o shuffling bills every month is to get another job.  but i'm so busy at the job i have, and especially thru april i won't know what time i'm leaving on a daily basis.  and i know that ppl fit all sorts of things into their lives when they have to - i mean, ppl have 2nd & 3rd jobs and kids and school and  - but then when do they have time to do anything ELSE?  

and they have their reasons for doing those things.  mostly, i think, because they think they "have" to.  or they genuinely want to - and that's okay.  i just don't.  but if i choose not to, then i have to accept that i'll likely never be out of debt.  i keep plugging away, shifting & paying what i can & hiding from creditors (not really) & playing hopscotch w/ bills so i can afford groceries & gas & medications & doctor's appointments.  

and there is another point of stress/frazzle/overwhelming feelings - i have diabetes.  i want to make sure i'm managing it & doing what i need to so i can live a looooong, healthy life.  that includes taking my medication daily & going to the doctor.  except the doctor is cause for more anxiety because she generally wants to do things that i do not want to do, that i'm not comfortable with.  but there again, there's a perception that certain things are "necessary."  except i don't think they are.  but maybe they are?  how's one to know?  meh.  those thoughts go round & round in my head & i don't expect anyone to understand that paragraph because i can't seem to articulate those thoughts well at all!  

anyway.  i am just exhausted, but i don't feel poorly.  does that make sense?  

even in this feeling of being overwhelmed at work, i am still ENJOYING my job.  i love doing what i do, helping ppl, talking to them, i love the things i get to work on!!  the little annoyances, i go "grrr" over but they don't really bother me.  i just have to vent & then i am okay.  ya know?  

tonight i hulu'd - Castle, and hilarie burton guested.  oh my heck, girl crush!  lol  i love her on one tree hill, white collar, and she was really good in this guest spot!  so good and so against "type" that it took me awhile to recognize her!  i knew it was someone i knew... lol  

i was looking for pictures & found this one from an article about OTH when she left.  did you know she also has a production company?  Southern Gothic Productions based in NC.  not only adorable, beautiful, and a talented actress!  : )  

then i have been seeing this advert on hulu for awhile for a show called Endgame, & checked it out tonight.  SO GOOD!  apparently it only lasted a season?  but that's okay, i'll watch the season & enjoy.  : )  and rediscovered another boy crush... shawn doyle.  *laugh*  he plays a russian in this show, but he's CANADIAN!  love me some canadians... :D  

alright, anyway, i should sleep.  tomorrow - another busy day.  *laugh*  i'm thankful for the busy days, and truly feel - better busy than bored!  

what makes you feel overwhelmed?  and how do you handle it?



  1. Carrie Marie,
    If the doctor is recommending things, don't you think you should LISTEN to your doctor!? I mean don't you think she/he is telling you to do them for a REASON! At some point you have to trust them that they are asking you to do them for a good reason to help you to feel better. I mean that has been my experience at least. I had to do some pretty UNCOMFORTABLE things in the last few months to figure out what was wrong with me. But, if I hadn't done those things, then I never wouldn't have gotten to the bottom of what was wrong and been able to get them fixed and feeling completely better. You know! I had to trust that what the doctors were telling me to do was the right thing because after all they are the ones with the medical degree not me. I also sought advice from my aunts and friends and family that had the same kinds of problems so that I could get their perspective on the situation to make informed decisions. That helped me know how to proceed with the right things. Anyway, that's my two sense.
    As far as how do I deal with being overwhelmed now... it is hard, I used to eat to feel better. I have been going to the gym to walk. Although these last two weeks my schedule has been all out of whack. So I have been just crying. LOL and making Randy snuggle with me. It's good to have a good man. :-)

    Come home to chat with me.

  2. aww, *HUGS* i know you've had to deal w/ many uncomfortable things lately. and i'm very happy that you have things figured out. but when i say things i don't want to do, i don't mean anything that is medically necessary. i'm talking about little things - some of which she works w/ me on, but some she pressures me about, and they are not things that are necessary. not things that are of a medical nature. just things that doctors/patients do sometimes because they are routine. things like hospital gowns for exams. *shrug* anyway, that's all i meant. no need to get worried or anything.

    hope i get to talk to you this weekend!! oh, and yeah, at least you have a randy to snuggle w/ when all you can do is cry. : )