my weapon of choice is to remember the blessings. when i'm feeling overwhelmed at work - like this week, yesterday especially! - i praise the Lord for my job, for the enjoyment i get from my job. i praise Him for the opportunities, the puzzles i get to solve, the ppl i've met and get to connect with... and yes, having a paycheck is a blessing!
i don't want to take the blessings for granted. i have lived hardship, but even my hardship compared to others' was not that bad. sometimes living in my own head is hard, but not as hard as someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts, you know? each of us, no matter how blessed or how happy, has something to struggle with. it's part of life, and it's a part i'm grateful for (mostly! lol). without the struggle, life really WOULD be monotonous. we would become like the illegal immigrants i spoke of the other day, feeling entitled to things we didn't have to work for. which is not to say i think everyone should have to work for everything all of the time. i said the struggle was PART of life, not the whole kit & kaboodle!
as i said this week has been particularly trying for me, mentally exhausting, not just at work. things swirl around in my head (financial, medical, family, friends, country, world) that i just have to pray thru because there's no other way around it. i don't have an answer for how to handle some things, and i just have to turn to the Lord and say, "Please." i beg for healing, for strength, for wisdom, for patience, for trust - those last two are usually pretty easy for me, but some days ... some days i crack a little insdie.
the prayers - along with the writing - keep me sane. talking to the Lord, knowing in my heart that He hears me and cares about me, trusting Him that even if the answer is "not now" He is listening to my daily prayers and His heart feels what i'm feeling.
(i don't think i've shared this story here before, but if i have, sorry for the repeat!) i have an acquaintance, someone i just reconnected with after many years, who is catholic. we were talking about prayer (she makes rosaries, beautiful rosaries!), and how she loves knowing that she is helping to get prayer beads into ppl's hands. i love that! i love the rosary. i love the prayers - yes, even the prayers to mary. i don't know quite how i feel about "praying" to mary, so much, but i like the prayer itself. if that makes any sense at all to anyone outside myself, i do not know!! one thing that my friend said, however, that i really struggle with, is her belief that they pray to mary because she intercedes btwn us and Jesus, and He can't say no to His mother. this ... i was going to say "disturbed me" but i'm not sure that's the correct sentiment. it unsettled me, because it's my belief that we don't need an intercessory between us and Jesus. Jesus is our intercessor btwn us and our Father. we can appeal directly to God the Father, but no one can get to the Father but thru the Son. that's a biblical truth. i don't recall anywhere in the Bible, it talking about anyone needing to go to Jesus on behalf of anyone else. do you see what i'm saying?
now, i'm not saying that's the way all catholics look at prayers to mary, or even that my friend's way of thinking is wrong. there's a whole "prayer to the saints" tangent as well, but i don't know enough about beliefs on that - my aunt judy & i discussed it once, and i remember thinking that the way she explained it made sense, sort of, but now i can't remember what that explanation was! (i'm having dinner w/ her & jenni on wednesday, i'll have to ask again!) prayer is a personal thing, a private thing unless you are praying in agreement with someone, as in someone sharing a request for prayer. so, for that reason, i don't think i would say ANY form of prayer was wrong.
wow. as usual, when my thoughts get going and communicate with my fingers, i've written a whole post that is completely different from where i thought i was going when i started - but it fits so well just the same!!
last night my computer wouldn't let me upload photos, so i'm going to attempt to share some of yesterday's outdoor fun w/ leyton in a new post. see you soon! : )
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