a poem

this poem does not rhyme, but they don't always have to! 

sometimes when I sit I wonder what it feels like to smile all the time

then I think, I usually do smile all the time

but some days I feel the ennui

what is the ennui? You ask.

well, it's the feeling of unimportance, even tho you know you're important.

it's the feeling of sadness, even tho you feel very blessed.

it's the feeling of anger at things you can't change.

today, it was not as bad as yesterday

but I still felt it, pecking at the back of my brain, like a chicken.

I was busy this morning, lots to do, so there was no time to be restless.

but this afternoon, I have done all the things I can think of, and there is 1/2 an hour left to my day.

and I am out of ideas.

oh, but wait!  there is performance management!  hooray! 

I wonder what tomorrow will be like.

waiting, waiting, it's really a horrible thing sometimes!

some some some - something, sometimes, someone…

do you think manic thoughts are better than depressed thoughts?

my doctor wants me to come in for a BP check & all that jazz.

I'm out of refills for my BP medicine.

but I ask you - is she going to wave her fee so I can come in for the checkup?

I'm not sure I have $112 more to pay, when the RX is $112 a month.

and I only have $254 left in my HSA.

if you do the math, that means I have enough in there for may & june.

and then I'm on my own, again, to pay for Rx!

I should get 10 ($48-ish) a pay period.

then I'd have a little stash.

for when the HSA runs out

again.

Is it sad that I need to stash BP meds?

last year, my Rx was a big reason why I was indebted to mom for the last 6 months of the year!

she wasn't happy.

I wasn't happy.

I don't want that to happen this year.

I like being happy.

I like when she's happy.

I like when money isn't the crux of our woes.

*************************************************

yeah, so that's the state of mind i was in today.  fun, huh?  but it's not all doom & gloom, really.  i just wish my prescription wasn't so darn expensive!  it's a monthly expense that i just need to budget in for the last 1/2 of the year & quit whining about.  i'm very fortunate to have resources at my disposal (like an hsa & a steady job that i like!).  : )

uplifting my mood this evening - groceries!!!  does anyone else enjoy grocery shopping as much as i do??  i didn't even get a lot (mint chip ice cream sandwiches, omh, soooo yummy!, TP (finally), tortillas, fruit, sweet potatoes, tea...) but it was nice!  i could just walk around the grocery store for hours, getting lost in new products and old favorites, visiting the meat counter to see what new yummies they've carved up, visiting the deli peeps and the cheese area - oh, don't get me started on the cheese area!!  i totally need to figure out when and where there is a free cheese tasting in the area so i can know what cheeses i like best. 

okay, stepping away from the cheese!

tonight was a Chuck marathon & it was so much fun!!  this show makes me happy!  especially the last episode i watched, happy happy happy! 

okay, seriously, cheese and Chuck, and whining.  aren't you so glad you read this blog tonight?  LOL  so, i'm gonna watch desperate housewives & try to read a little using the kitchen light as the livingroom light blipped out when i got home (gotta get that replaced tomorrow!).  have a great one!  idk if i have payroll tomorrow night or not.  will let ya know!  ; ) 

ttfn!