instinct

my natural instinct is to help.  kids selling candy bars.  old school needing donations.  friend from college needing a place to stay.  cousin needing a place to stay...

i want to say yes, but i just can not afford it.  financially, emotionally, i can't do it.  i've experienced it.  i've witnessed it.  and i just can't put myself out there again.  i know this, and yet when i saw those lines, "anyone need a roommate?" and "need a place to stay," my fingers were almost typing "i have room" before i could stop them!  i deleted those words, i did not comment at all.  but again tonight i had to hold myself back from offering things i'm not equipped to give. 

*sigh* 

so, i'm keeping it to myself.  i'm keeping my guest room a guest room.  i'm sorry!  i really really am!  but it's what i need to do. 

in other news about my instinct to help - when someone asks me something but doesn't want to tell me why, it frustrates me.  for some things!  i mean, if you need a quarter, i don't need to know why you need it.  but when you leave a cryptic comment... well, i just don't know why you would say anything if you can't say everything, ya know?  or, preface it w/ something - "i don't want to talk about it, i just need your help w/ _____."  because when you give "teasers" it makes me feel like you're trying to pull something over on me, or be mean, or whatever, even tho i don't think you're being deliberate about it.  at least, i hope you're not, because that WOULD be mean...

(and, in case you are wondering, no.  that paragraph is not referencing a particular situation or person.  just several similar instances that have happened thru my life!)

no payroll tonight, so i got to watch Glee, V, and OLTL!  : )  was Lost on last night, too?  hmmm.  will have to check that out.  *laugh*  and of course my husband's show.  ; ) 

today was yet another day of insanity at work.  again, nothing bad, mostly really fun, actually.  A LOT of problem solving, which can be frustrating, but i love the detective work.  it's just that detective work is HARD WORK!  mentally exhausting, too.  *laugh*  by the end of the day, i just felt draaaaained and very grateful that i had the night off from payroll.  heh. 

i learned today that chloe should definitely be done by friday, so i can pick her up on saturday!  hooray!!!!  i really hope that they fixed her up right & that i don't have any ... follow up.  ya know?  i am going to call tony at the dealership monday, tho, & take her in for them to check out.  and give a clean bill of health, Lord willing!!  : ) 

tomorrow is thursday, yay yay yay!  our 13 weeks group is doing a pot luck for lunch.  i wanted to make a fruit salsa, but forgot to pick up the fruit at hy vee.  i did get some apples, so i'm just going to cut those up & have apples & PB.  it'll be yummy!  of course, since those were actually for the team's food day on friday, i now have to figure out what to make for that.  maybe the same thing, since it's a different group of ppl, tho.  *laugh*  after work, marty's taking me to mom's, and then i need mom to take me to the bank & i really, really, really want a cherry limeade or grape vanilla slush!!!!!  i didn't realize how much i missed them til this week!  *laugh* 

i want popcorn.

ttnf!  : )