losing myself, finding myself

hi party peeps!  did you miss me?  likely this will be my pattern for the time being.  i'm finding it just too dang hot to be messing w/ the computer.  i wish i could blog from my phone... i may have to figure that one out.  anyone who does it, please please let me know the easiest way to do it so i can be connected!!  i'm on FB on my phone more often than on the actual computer.  i'm very grateful that bret got his touch phone which inspired me to give them a try!  : )  


so, i've been reading, A LOT.  found my johanna lindsey books, Warrior's Woman & Keeper of the Heart.  WW was one of, if not my first, otherworldly romances, i believe, and i read it in jr high.  it introduced me to my favorite swear word, used for mild disgust - farden.  i still use it today.  : )  my first johanna lindsey i found in  a box of books when i was babysitting for the cherryholmes.  i think i was 12?  maybe 13.  sue had a whole box of romances, and the cover of Silver Angel compelled me.  LOL  it was about a sheik and a harem and far off places and drew me in like nobody's business.  


ahhh.  now i'm back to sherry, because zarek & astrid were calling to me.  i love when characters call to me!  not just books, but movies - right now rigoletto is calling to me, but i can't find him, which is driving me a little bit insane when i think about it.  ANYWAY!  after zarek & astrid (Dance With The Devil, in case you want to check it out) i have a couple more dark-hunter books to read & then hopefully i'll be able to hit BAM or the book rack & find some more of lynsay's immortals.  : )  mmmm... anticipation!


this weekend i hung out at mom's quite a bit because bret worked thursday - sunday.  we watched BB (willie got booted out for being all violent & stuff, WOW!  these hanse or whatever their last name is brothers sure know how to give it a bad one!  yeesh!) & leyton was over all weekend, too, so we hung out.  : )  played marbles & such.  he came over here last night to hang out & we played catch & kickball & cars & watched phin & ferb & toy story 3.  it was fun, but so hot that i was cranky  & annoyed & trying so hard NOT to be.  i find the best course of action for those times is to be completely honest w/ everyone & let them KNOW that i'm tired/hot/cranky & that it's not at them at all, but that it's not really going to change at all, either, til i cool off/rest.  since the weather is not really cooperating as of yet w/ the cool off thing, and resting means burying myself in a book... and cranky is NOT my normal mood, so ... ya know?


anyway!  bret's at work tonight & i didn't go to mom's cuz i desperately needed some alone time!!!  i love ppl, really, truly love ppl (which is odd what w/ my panic attack situation, right?  sometimes i seriously think i am two ppl duking it out in one body.  we usually get along fairly well, but sometimes...) (sometimes i think i sound insane, like certifiably insane, but i don't feel insane & i'm not dangerous & i function pretty well in society, so ... i guess i'm just the good kinda crazy.)


ummm.... shoot.  my latest nephew was born, trish's granddaughter was born, i got to talk to sarah breifly before mom picked me up for lunch on sunday, got to text w/ april a little bit on thursday or sunday, can't remember which... 


that's all i can think of at the moment.  am gonna catch up w/ some of you guys & then see what new episodes i  can find on hulu... and get back to my book... : )  


hope you're staying cool, safe & well!!  love you!!!


ttfn

untitled : )

i'm just staying cocooned in my books.  : )  


bret's car had a little mishap w/ a pothole, which must have been a rather large pothole, because his car is once again out of commission.  :(  poor bret!!  i know well the feeling of being trapped w/o your vehicle, and i really feel for him, since he'd just gotten it up & running again!  this also means i'm back to taking him to work, which doesn't bother me, but i just again feel bad for him!  


yesterday i met mom & leyton at incredible pizza for lunch.  lots of fun!!  they played lazer tag w/ a couple ppl & had a blast!  i watched from the observation room.  : )  after lunch, i came home for a couple hours, then took bret into BG for work.  then went & hung out at mom's til it was time to pick him up.  leyton was there for awhile, so we snuggled & played pass & play on words w/ friends & he played baseball w/ phil & sorry w/ gramma & they read a book about blue's clues.  i tried to get him to read w/ me, but he was being stubborn.  LOL  


after phil took leyton home, i read & thru the night finished lucian & leigh's story, Bite Me If You Can.  heh.  now i'm on to marguerite & julius (julius?  i've named every dog i've had julius...) in Vampire Interrupted.  idk where they come up w/ some of these titles, but i like most of them.  mom & i watched Big Brother (loving wil, or gay fabio as i like to call him...; loving the coaches twist!!) & then Next Food Network Star (am rooting for justin, even tho i want to see the other guy win, i think...but oh my heck, i LOVE alton, so i'd like team alton to win...hmmm) & then i don't remember cuz i was engrossed in my book!  : )  i picked bret up & came home & SLEPT really well!  


today was a pretty good day for a monday & hot as hades outside!  ugh.  heat.  i'm ready for the rain & the slightly cooler temps of 88.  lol  i got a lot done - FINALLY got thru most of my error reports.  whew!  just have to finish up whenever employees respond.  tomorrow will be claims, claims & more claims!  


bret borrowed chloe & went to WM to pick up a couple things & is picking me up a sammich from subway.  YUM!  i've been craving a subway sandwich for the past couple weeks, but then i don't want to go in & get it when the time comes to eat.  i'm a nutter sometimes.


anyway, i think i'm caught up.  did i write saturday night about making it to cedar falls & then having a panic attack when i saw all the ppl at/around the venue for the reception?  it was pretty bad.  i drove around CF for an hour trying to calm myself down & just go in the damn door, but it didn't work.  *sigh*  debilitating panic attacks are so not fun.  i called mom on the way home - it was a beautiful day/drive, btw - & she said i should have taken someone w/ me.  which, sure, but who?  she didn't want to go (i didn't ask, after the fit she threw about baylee's wedding...), and plus i thought i'd be fine.  i'd handled the panic attacks just fine for matt & melissa's wedding & reception... i made it to BOTH of those!!  


ugh.  


anyway, my book is calling & i think i'm all caught up here for now.  LOL  how're you doing?  what's going on in your life??  : )  


ttfn!

every coin has two sides

the coin of today was both happy & sad.

work went well.  got almost all of my error reports from the past couple weeks worked on.  i can't say finished, because there are so many steps w/ these reports that sometimes they take a few days of intense concentration to complete!  which is why they build up & i have several weeks at a time to work on, which only makes them take LONGER... LOL 

i had lunch at adolph's w/ my friend, kris.  it was a blast & we definitely need to hang out more often!!  : )  also, adolph's, hello, yummmm!  : )  

had to leave at 2 to get home for trish to pick me up for marcie's sister's visitation.  happy to see trish & marcie (and joy) but sad for the circumstance.  it was beautiful, tho, lots of photos of paula & a really well-put together video.  

after the service, trish & i went to WM for some groceries.  she needed stuff for camping & i needed...well, everything.  i didn't mean to pick up quite all that i did, tho.  you really should not shop when you're hungry... *sigh*  anyway, i saw my favorite WM employee from when i worked there, evelyn.  she is the sweetest lady & i gave her a great big hug!  : )  as we were shopping, i also got to see & hug my auntie jan!  yay!  

when i got home, i fixed a nice cheese & ham sandwich & had some pretzels & hummus.  watched some Walker, read some of Stolen Dreams (the sequel to Stardust Dreams, which i finished yesterday).  i watched the premier of White Collar & now i've got the latest Rookie Blue on.  think i'll put it on full screen & read some more before bed.  : )  

tomorrow i'm supposed to go to toni's reception, but i can't find my invitation w/ directions!  agh!!!  i sent her a note... hopefully she'll check her messages in time.  why did i wait til the last minute to find it?!  well, because i thought i knew where it was at, of course.  oye.

oh!  i finally did my taste of elegance post!  check it out!  : )  

ttfn!

today i'm a space pirate

that's right - last time i was goth (still have the fingernails), today i'm a space pirate.   (or is it space cadet? LOL)  i finished Circle of Light (which, to be perfectly honest about, went into the giveaway box after i read it.  i REALLY enjoyed the plot & the writing, but the hero & heroine spent too much time apart, having their own pieces of story - which, again, were well-written - and not spending enough time together.  in the scenes where they were together, i felt that they loved each other & all, but i didn't get a sense of their FALLING in love.  and come on now, that is the best part of the story!).  


next up was the book i'd been looking for when i went on my box mission, Knight of A Trillion Stars, by Dara Joy.  i remember reading this story & a sequel, Rejar, in HS, loving it so much that i convinced juli to read it, and SHE loved it, too, which made me happy because she wasn't usually into the romances.  : )  as i read both these books again, they made me smile, laugh, cry, and fall in love all over again w/ the characters!  altho, reading them now a few things bugged me, but not enough to squelch my enjoyment.  and then i googled dara to see if there were more books (because, since the jewel that was my Lynsay Sands discovery, i'm doing this for all the authors i'm rediscovering!  then heading to the book rack to gobble up as many as i can...LOL).  i discovered apparently there was this huge scandal back in the day w/ dara joy & that made me quite sad.  but also happy that i had the two books that i have!  (and actually, i think i have a couple others ... now that i think about what's on my shelves...lol)


now i'm re-reading Stardust Dreams by Marilyn Campbell.  i have one of the sequels for next... : )  also, this cover is one of my FAVORITES!  you know, when i read these in HS, i don't remember being embarrassed by the covers, and i'm not now.  i think they're AWESOME!  romance novel covers are part of the reason i love Fabio, after all.  : )  but this one - do you see why it's my favorite?  the man has a patch for pete's sakes!  mmmmmm!  

link

(a brief note about the link - apparently this author is HEAVILY into tarot & the like.  i am not.  she is a good romance author, which is where my interest lies.) 

ANYWAY!  : )  


this morning i had to go to the dds for a couple fillings.  everything went beautifully, unlike last time, thank God!  i didn't feel a THING and we had some fun conversations while dr b worked & it was just one of the most fun times i've ever had in a dentist's chair!  the only downside was that it cost me $107 that i don't really have to be spending.  :(  boo to that!  


work went well, but i am getting frustrated w/ part of my job, a certain mailbox that i manage, because it just seems like EVERY time i try to find an answer for someone, it circles around & around while ppl pass it off - or worse, no one gets back to me, so then I'M the one not getting back to the employee, and it makes me feel awful!  this is not the image we want to display to new employees!  it's a bother.  but everything else went really well & i had a good day!  *laugh*  


then this afternoon, i had to go to the eye dr for a diabetes check up.  i was really not looking forward to being dilated or to paying for the visit.  since it is listed under a medical visit, it gets billed under my medical insurance, which means high deductible goes into effect, which usually means a big bill for carrie to pay.  BUT, God is good, all the time, and my eyes are healthy and haven't changed since last year, and so i didn't need the test that insurance doesn't pay for, and so i walked out of there w/ a clean bill of eye health & not having to pay a penny!  : )  awesomeness!  there was still the issue of being dilated, which was bothersome.  have you ever tried to drive in bright sunlight w/ your pupils the size of quarters?  i felt like a dark-hunter!  LOL  made it safely home, tho!  : )  


then i had to read w/ my glasses off until my eyes returned to normal.  LOL  


what?  you thought i wouldn't read w/ dilated eyes?  have you MET me??  ; )  


what other stories do i have to relate?  oh!  the other night, someone posted a picture of the new sanctuary at the church i grew up in.  a few ppl left comments, unhappy comments - a lot of former congregants are unhappy with the way the church has changed and is being run, etc.  this is fairly normal when a beloved church goes thru changes.  you lose and gain parishoners every time a new pastor arrives in any church, any denomination, i would think.  well, at least most.  i'm sure there are denominations and religions where a change in guard, so to speak, doesn't actually change much about the church.  anyway, i liked one of the comments, and someone who still goes to the church "called me out" for liking the comment... i was shocked, and disappointed by this person's reaction, and the fact that they lambasted not only the person who made the comment, but everyone who "liked" the comment.  is this what christians have come to?  


so, i sent this person a private message on FB & was blessed by the conversation that ensued.  we both gained an understanding & appreciation of the other's view and character, and that would not have happened if i hadn't the courage to send a note.  : )  through our conversation, this person understood that i wasn't agreeing w/ the negativity of the comment - i do not believe ppl should be posting negative comments on the board.  this doesn't do anyone any good at all!  you all - well, those of you who have read my church posts - know the torture i went through at that church, and the lasting effects it's had on me.  but the CHURCH is not evil.  the group of ppl who hurt me aren't even evil, for pete's sakes, just misguided, i think.  anyway, when i comment on things on the board, i choose to comment positively, because there's no sense in dragging the church down.  and through our conversation, i understood that this person was just trying to defend their church, which they still attend and still love.  so, i say it often, and will say it again - communication, and truly LISTENING to what is in someone's heart/meaning rather than your perception, is so important!!


wow, this is a long post.  see what happens when i don't write for a few days?  yeesh!  LOL  


supposed to chat w/ joy, so i'd better go log in to my gmail.  : )  also, gotta write up a Menu post about the Taste of Elegance that becca & i attended on monday.  it was FABULOUS!!!  


what're y'all up to?  


ttfn!

feeling a little goth

maybe it's the vampires, but today i felt the need to paint my nails red & black.  : )  i don't think i have any true "gothic" tendencies, other than the vampires.  but i'm picky about my vampires.  i prefer the modern to the "dracula" genre.  


anyway.  i cleaned up some stuff in the library today, got a couple shelves organized - or, more organized than they were, altho once i figure out exactly where i want everything, they'll be reorganized again!  along the way, i found the beautiful dark maroony-red nail polish, and my dad's tiger-eye ring that i wore along w/ his class ring all thru HS.  idk where the class ring disappeared to, but it must be in there somewhere...i put the tiger-eye ring on & wore it all day & it brought tears and smiles and memories galore!  


i also rediscovered a whole box of books my friend laura had sent me once upon a time (mysteries galore, love it!!), so i'll add those into the rotation.  i've been re-reading a lot of favorites lately... i found part of my futuristic romance collection & read a story of a djinni & the human summoner he finds to love.  : )  next up is a space adventure of The Great Healer, who must fall in love w/ a particular man in order to fulfill the prophecy & unlock her healing powers.  except everyone has the identity of the particular man all wrong!  *laugh*  it's funny, sometimes when i re-read a book, i'll recognize a scene or a line & it takes me back to the first time i read it.  some books are just so intrinsically associated w/ that time or place... : )  there are a few books i read while in texas w/ daddy & phil that i think i'll pull out again to re-read sometime!  


and then there are the scenes from various stories that are stuck in my head, have become so much a part of me that occasionally, for seemingly no reason at all, they pop into my head & i relive them, so to speak.  then, of course, i have to pull them out for a read!  *laugh*  


anyway!!  it's no wonder no one reads this anymore, all i ever do is gush about books.  somehow, i've stopped caring.  the books make me happy... :D  


i was able to hang out w/ erin tonight - my tummy wasn't sure what it would do 1/2 of today, but it was feeling much better by 4 or so.  despite the over 100 degree temperatures outside - yuck!!!  i picked erin up around 6 & we went to rudy's for dinner.  tacos...mmmm!  had a nice catch up & all that, and made plans to hang out while the olympics are going on so we can get our gymnastics/swimming/whatever else is at the summer games fix.  : )  can you tell which two events i'm most interested in?  LOL  i'm hoping to be able to watch the opening ceremonies online... 


bret brought home a pizza from work & i tried a slice - pretty tasty!  


what else?  reading, reading, reading!  more reading tomorrow.  i wanted to watch Rigoletto, too, but cannot find my dvd.  :(  i can't even find my VHS tape of it, so idk where they could possibly have gotten off to!  i know i've watched the DVD here, because i remember playing the soundtrack that's on it... *sigh*  if i have to buy it again, i will, but i'd rather just find my copy!!  *laugh*  


for now, sleep beckons.  i might try to read one more chapter before it claims me... ; )  


ttfn!

nancy cane 

i just love the old-school (tasteful) romance novel covers!

(some of them are not quite so clothed...LOL  which, call me chauvinistic, but i'm okay w/ it when it's the guy baring his chest.  ; )  )

Also, oh my heck!  when looking for this image, i discovered that - surprise! - kathleen nance has a series of djinn books, along w/ an Olympus series i must check out!  LOVE IT!

: ) 

ttfn!

mrrrh

yesterday was a pretty good day.  i finished Dream Chaser & started Born To Bite before heading to bed at a decent time, about 11.  unfortunately, today i woke up knowing i wasn't going to make it to work.  boo!  emailed the boss & went back to bed.  i've been fairly attached to the bathroom today... but i am managing to get some reading in, and watched two eps of Rookie Blue & The Glades so far... 


bret borrowed my car to get his check, cash it, register his car, get a battery for his car, stop at WM for some groceries... : )  


was supposed to have dinner w/ erin tonight, but postponed it to tomorrow.  


ummm... it's still hot.  yuck.  thank God for AC, altho it's so hot that i can't get the temp in here to be as cold as i want it to be!  *laugh*  


what've y'all got going this weekend?  : ) 


ttfn!

lost in some good books : )

that's been me the past few days.  it's been FABULOUS!  i've collected 10 or 11 of the Argeneau series, added to my Dark Hunter collection, even picked up an Arcane Society book by Amanda Quick the other day for $3!  woot!  i love a good book bargain!  in that same sale (at BAM yesterday), i found a buy 2 get 1 free deal for lynsay's books, and scooped that right up.  it helped that the book i was intently searching for (The Renegade Hunter) was part of the score.  : )  


i also got to hang out w/ trish (& koltin) yesterday.  al had to work late, so she invited me over for leftover wedding fare.  yummy!  AND she sent me home w/ a tub of leftover potato salad, which i must say is a weakness.  mmmm.  while i was over there, i took advantage of her scale & discovered that i've lost 6 more lbs & w/ a little effort should be well on my way of losing another 20 or so by the end of the year.  (in dreamland, i could lose 50 by the end of the year, but i don't know that i can put in THAT much effort in the next 6 months, so... yeah.)


what else?  bret has been a very nice roommate lately, so that's good.  he should be able to get a new battery for his car soon, which will help him feel less trapped, i think.  i know i feel trapped when i don't have my car for one reason or another!!  *laugh*  


today after work i went to phil's to hang out w/ leyton.  we played catch, some, but mostly just watched Disney & read.  : )  last night i tried to go to bed at 10:30, couldn't sleep, got up at 11:30 & read til 1.  i finished that book a few minutes ago... next up i am re-reading Dream Warrior, which is one of Sherri's Dream Hunter books (same universe as Dark Hunter, but a different kind of immortal *grin*).


tonight i can stay up til whenever i want reading, because tomorrow i have the WHOLE DAY OFF to veg out & read.  our family usually has a 4th of july picnic, but i haven't heard about one happening this year, and even if it is happening, it is just TOO DANG HOT for me to want to go hang out outdoors.  altho the house gets hot during the day because the sun beats down on it, so i might be driving around in the air conditioned chloe at some point... we'll see!  


um.  what else to catch up on?  i think i'm giving up on my cute-boy-work-crush for now.  things were friendly for awhile, but i don't really get the "i like you/you like me" vibe from him, so i'm going to just set my sights elsewhere & enjoy the perfect bubble that was two fridays ago.  : )  


so, what's been going on in your neck of the woods?  i have some blog reading to catch up on!  : )  


ttfn!