confession

wow.  it's been a month since i've blogged.  

almost literally and to the day.

WOW.

i confess, life has been good.  my computer still gives me fits, and is just too frustrating to deal with most days.  today i only had to restart it once, so that's a plus!  but it's still making the angry noises, so... *shrug*  i'd much rather be curled up on my couch than fighting w/ my computer.  i've been reading blogs & FB & websites & whatnot thru my phone, but i still can't figure out how to BLOG from my phone.  :(  it takes me to the site, and i can comment & everything, but when i click on the text box to write a new post, nada.  so, if anyone knows what i'm doing wrong, please let me know!  i'd like to update & post pictures & such!  

to catch up... there's too much that went on this past month, but here's a quick recap:

 my bookshelf before i reorg'd.  do you think i have taken an after picture yet?

all my sherrilyn kenyon's are on the top shelf, lynsay sands below, and then kerrelyn sparks.

they're in order or shelf space needed at the time, but also, interestingly, in order of discovery.  LOL

thought i'd share.  : )  

 curled up reading (on a particularly cold day, as evidenced by the blanket!) My Sister is a Werewolf, I believe...

shout it from the rooftops, baby!  : )  

God is GOOD!

- my birthday party was fun & i had a good week off, despite the visitation on my birthday & the funeral the day after.  :(  i'm so grateful that he is with my dad, and the LORD right now, but we on earth sure do miss him.  partially because of that, the week felt like it went too fast, and i didn't get 3/4 of the stuff done that i had wanted to while i was home.  but i did read a LOT of books (i think it averaged out to one a day, awesome!)!  : )  i completed my Love At Stake series & read that.  : )  (oops, not quite complete - i still am missing maggie's story, which is in an anthology i haven't been able to find yet!)

wow, sorry for the blurry!  yeesh.

altho, be prepared, because there are more blurry pictures to come.  *sigh*  ppl move so fast!  

LOL

- thanksgiving was nice.  the boys had fun looking at the ads their mom threw in "the ad desert" as phil coined it.  LOL  

- work has been going well.  i've sort of given up on mr crushtastic, because i don't seem to see him AT ALL anymore, and i figure if he liked me even a little, i would hear from him or something, but i don't, so i need to stop living in fantasyland.  other than my books.  LOL  i can live in fantasyland in my books all the livelong day!  : )  it's been busy & somewhat crazy sometimes, but that's how i love it.  

- had a very nice christmas luncheon w/ friends trish, amy & marcie.  we went to golden corral & they have a really yummy buffet set up!  : )  plus it was just nice to hang out w/ the three of them for a few hours!  after brunch, trish & i did a little shopping & then hung out at her house.  we watched the prep & landing movies & then a very sweet hallmark movie called Christmas w/ Holly.  highly recommend it!  : )  oh!  and trish made me a blanket & gave me the first 4 Twilight movies for christmas!  sweet!!!!

- have been hanging out w/ mom & leyton & sometimes anthony, and you know that is always fun!

- and ... christmas shopping!  i'm almost done, but have a bit more to do today.  so, i think that's all the catch up you're getting, if anyone is actually even reading this anymore.  LOL  maybe i'll get lucky & be able to post again later!  i NEED to get the christmas calendars done - only have TEN DAYS TIL CHRISTMAS!  oh my heck!  

- one more thing along w/ the christmas shopping - i picked up tickets for me & anthony to go to SHINEDOWN in february!  *BOUNCE*  suuuuuuper excited!  i hope he will be, too.  i'd asked him when i heard they were coming if that was something he would be interested in, depending on how much tickets were & he said yes.  when i first looked, it said tickets were going to be $200 or so each.  uh...NO.  but then i called the other day to check again & it was less than $100 for two tickets.  HOORAY!  praise the Lord!  shinedown, POD & three days grace.  CAN'T WAIT!  : )  can't wait to tell anthony, but am saving it for christmas.  : )  

what's up w/ you?  are you ready for Christmas & done w/ all your shopping?  heh.  *HUGS*

ttfn!

a possible post from me....

i say possible because i'm not sure if this will let me post. 

i haven't had internet for like a month, and i finally got it back yesterday & then tried to start up the trusty computer & it's already shut off twice.  and it's making that noise... *sigh*  really, i am wondering if it's worth it to be paying the internet fees right now.  i do need to get mom & everyone's calendars done & then i might just do away w/ the internet until i can get a new computer.  it's just too frustrating, and i would rather be reading than messing w/ this thing.  

*sigh*  anyway!  life has been ... crazy.  but isn't it always?  i've felt very much stress at work, but not a pull your hair out kind, or an "i hate my job" kind, just ... the kind that sucks the life from the marrow of your bones.  *laugh*  i know some (most) won't understand how that feeling could NOT make me hate my job, but ... *shrug*  even when i'm stressed, i love what i'm doing.  i love being able to help ppl w/ stuff... 

i've had some mr crushtastic sightings, and IM's, which always put a smile to my face no matter how stressful a day has been.  : )  

have been reading LOTS, and loving it!

hanging out w/ mom & leyton & anthony - yesterday we just did some running around & had lunch at jimmy john's & made our semi-monthly trip to popcorn charlie's.  i got some creamy dill popcorn & it's delish!  if you like dill.  ; )  

hanging out w/ trish for our sunday night TV viewing is always fun!  we aren't hanging out tonight cuz our shows aren't on til next week.  but i'm going over to her house tuesday after uncle terry's funeral to watch a marathon of christmas movies.  i'll need the happy joy of christmas movies after that... 

(expansion on the above - my uncle terry passed away thursday after a fierce battle with cancer.  he is with the Lord now, and w/ my dad - he was married to my dad's sister, sharon, and was one of daddy's best friends.  they had a really similar personality, humor, and life view!  so, i'm happy that he's not in pain, that he's w/ the Lord.  but sad because once again i feel like we lost a great man way too soon.  *sigh*  so, his visitation is tomorrow, on my birthday, and the funeral is tuesday.  :(  *HUGS*  to my family!)

in happier news - today was my birthday bash at biaggi's, with breaking dawn part 2 afterward.  it was definitely a happy & fun occasion, and i'm so glad the ppl who were there, were there!  : )  mom, grammy, leyton, trish, joy, nicki, juli, john, aunt judy, aunt jan, aunt nancy & uncle gene!  pretty good group of ppl, they are!  : )  nicki made my cake again this year, and she did a BEAUTIFUL job!  i decided i wanted an Acheron cake, because i've read the book like 5 times in 4 months or some such thing!  : )  i felt it was a very fitting cake design, and she did... oh my goodness, SUCH a great job!  i'll have pictures in another post hopefully this week!  

the majority of my gifts were money, which i'm sooooo grateful for because i've been a little strapped for cash!  of course, if i wouldn't buy books or groceries... or did away w/ the internet... but i'll have a loan paid off by the end of the year & then will have that little extra to put away, so that'll be nice.  : )  aunt judy gave me a gift card to BAM, so i can buy some books w/o using cash!  lol  and trish, oh dear sweet trish!  she gave me HP 1&2 on dvd.  i know, i know, you're thinking to yourself, "how can she possibly NOT already have the harry potter movies on dvd?"  well... yeah.  idk, but i didn't.  now i have 2, so i can work on building the whole collection!  : )  thanks, trish!!  

after lunch, nicki, aunt jan, juli, john & i went to the movies.  

breaking dawn part 2.  

it. was. EPIC!  

love love love!  : )  

i might see it again w/ mom when she goes (she had to miss it tonight to take grammy home & then leyton decided to stay w/ her til about 6:30).  speaking of movies i want to see again, i still want to see Pitch Perfect again!  and i need to find the soundtrack... : )  

so, what's everyone been up to?  so glad i can read y'all's blogs on my phone, but i miss interacting more regularly on blogs!  ah well.  life shifts sometimes, and sometimes it shifts back.  

for now, i'm off to write thank-you notes & then read How To Marry A Millionaire Vampire again.  : )  i think i'll hit up BAM tomorrow to get the 2nd & 3rd books in that series w/ my gift card...heh.  oh, and i discovered a new trilogy by Colby Hodge, and there was supposed to be a 4th book, but i don't think she ever wrote it.  :(  which saddens me because the 3rd book kinda left us w/ some cliff hangers that i would really like to see resolved!!  

ttfn!  

OHHHH!  p.s.
one of our stops yesterday was the wonder bread outlet, for mom to get some bread.  WOW!  talk about empty shelves!  apparently, hostess has gone bankrupt & the bakers said they were out?  i'm not clear on the details, all i know is that twinkies & ding dongs disappeared over night.  i'm not so fussed about the twinkies, but i really do love the ganache covering of ding dongs!  :(  not that i eat them very often anymore, but ya know, as soon as something is GONE you want it.  LOL  

ttfn again!  lol  

thank You, Lord for the weekend!

totally in need of some R&R.  

can't wait for my 9 days of VACATION!

wish i were going to the beach, or the largest bookstore which apparently is in toronto (thanks, april!)... 

but i'll just be staying here, maybe getting some stuff done around the house.

LOL

LOL

LOL

i will be getting some books read!  : )  

might rent some movies.

maybe see if the computer lets me watch some hulu.

but mostly i'm sure it will be books, books, and more books!

i'm currently on a mission to find the kathy love books.  might have to venture to the barnes & noble.. i tried BAM & they were sold out.  d'oh!  

i did pick up one at the book rack after work today, tho.  : )  also found another book that looked good, and a new tara tyler quinn.  

i needed the bookstore today.

it was rough.

rough.

not as rough as yesterday, thank goodness, but rough!

frustrating... 

i hate frustrating.  

i mean, i'm used to frustrating in the mr crushtastic department.  *laugh*  

anyway.

i got to chat w/ a friend at lunch & then april when i got home, which did wonders for my mood, so thank you to my friends!  

also, after the book rack, i went to WM cuz i had to pick up my rx & get some groceries.  i found ORANGE M&M's!  ppl!  these are great!  they taste like a chocolate orange, but i always feel bad getting a chocolate orange because i can only eat like 3 bites & then i feel like i'm wasting it.  but w/ these m&m's, i can have one or two, craving satisfied, and then they stay in the bag til the next craving!  woot!  : )  

oh, when i got home tonight, my door was open?  that was weird.  nothing out of place or stolen, thank God!  and no crazy ppl inside waiting to attack, so that can also be considered a plus.  it was just really weird.  

what else?  idk, my computer has already shut down twice & i'm kinda itchin to get to my book, so i think i'll do that while dinner's cooking.  chicken breast w/ some mushrooms & whatnot.  idk, it's from a box, but it looked good.  : )  

tomorrow i get to hang out w/ mom & leyton & maybe anthony!  yay!!

we are going to sam's.  

i love sam's on saturday - free samples!!  : )  

what're you doing this weekend?  

ttfn!

picture pages

as mentioned, i've been spending some time w/ mom & the boys.  VERY happy that anthony has joined us for a couple excursions.  i like hanging out w/ him.  he's a good young man.  : )  

one weekend, we went for haircuts, lunch at maid rite, popcorn charlie's for a treat, and halloween costume shopping for the boys.  i don't do halloween stores, so i stayed in the car & read (i was reading How To Marry A Millionaire Vampire by kerrelyn that day) while they went in & out of those stores.  we also made a trip to the mall for some bath & body works sales!  : )  

 one of my favorite pictures!  : ) 

 another favorite!  : ) 

this past weekend, i hung out w/ mom & leyton at home.  leyton & i had some snuggle time, which made me very, very happy!!  he wanted to post some old pictures on fb, and for one of the pictures, he typed out his own name in the caption.  i was so proud of him!  : )  

i love my boys!  : ) 

ttfn!

wall of weird

man, no wonder it feels like i haven't written in forever.  it's been nearly all flippin month!  what the heck?  well, i'll tell you.  it's not that i've been lost in my vampires - which i have.  it's more than my computer has issues & it's so much work sometimes to try & do anything on it.  like, right now, it's running like a banshee & i'm sure it's going to konk out on me at any moment.  so i'm saving, saving, cuz i write free-thought-flow like & i don't want to have to re-type everything!  that gets super annoying.  :|  

(no sooner had i written that lil face & hit save - computer went phhht.  cheeky lil chit, she is!  LOL)

i've been slowly adding to my kerrelyn sparks collection, as well as having discovered another author i'm loving - heh - kathy love!  so i am on a hunt for her books, as well.  i picked up a book in lora leigh's breed series, but then i read about another series of hers & now i'm kinda scared to start anything of hers.  since i have it, i'll give it a shot, but i think she might be a bit too on the wild side for me.  we'll see.  i don't enjoy love triangle books - vampire diaries & secret circle notwithstanding.  i like those stories, but i really, really do not like the whole tug of war thing w/ elena & stefan & damon, etc.  just pick a boy & let the other boy go off to find a girl of their own, yeesh!  

anyway!  i have been quite escaping into the books, and having a grand time of it.  i've been to the book rack many times, just soaking in the calmness.  i have needed that calming influence a lot this month.  it's been a really, really tough month.  there's been the mr crushtastic stuff that was stressing me out a bit.  and then something happened which caused a semi-depressed mood even a sweet, sweet sighting of the man himself couldn't shake me out of.  that's how i knew i was having a really bad day - he held the door open for me, was wearing one of my favorite shirts of his, i had my mouth full of apple & managed to swallow to say thank you, he said you're welcome, his voice smooth and deep and normally shiver-inducing... and it only pulled me up from my sadness for about 10 seconds before i felt like curling into a ball & crying the rest of the day. of course, that was tuesday, the day before halloween... 

*sigh*  halloween.  i had a very nice day at home - slept 11 hours & dreamed of daddy & i wanted to go over to mom's & go thru pictures - i want to share some "new" pictures of him w/ y'all!  i read kathy's I Only Have Fangs For You & watched one of my favorite Buffy discs (season 4: Hush) & i did go over to mom's for survivor.  it was a very nice day.  reading all the remembrances of daddy on my & phil's fb walls was really nice.  

and i thought, as is usual, that today i would be out of that mood.  november is my birthday month, i celebrate all month long, and it has become a month of renewal for me, of hope, and possibilities, parties and happiness.  

today was not any of those things.  today was stressful & moody & harsh & ... but also wonderful & fun & blessed.  see, i said something to someone that i thought they already knew, but they didn't & then they panicked & because of that panic, it caused others to panic & now i'm on this project that is tearing the happy right out of me!  it's causing me massive amounts of stress, and no matter how much i try my tricks to talk myself down, they only work for short bursts.  i really don't stress, normally, but i tend to feed off other ppl's emotions & there are some really tense ppl right now!  :(  

ANYWAY.  i share that because i want to remember the stress.  but i also want to remember the points of light, the wonderful, nice friends & co-workers i have.  the boss i am so grateful for because even when she's stressed out, she makes sure to help me w/ my stress.  she compliments my work and dedication, she makes me feel appreciated, and i am so thankful for that!  (november is a month to be thankful,  you know!)  

i was very cranky & witchy today, and i apologized several times to my wall-mates, because that is just so NOT me.  one of them said something that made me warm & fuzzy inside for a minute, or a good solid two, maybe.  she said, "that's okay, it's nice to know you're human."  LOL  i replied - thanks, vampire books! - "mostly."  LOL  then both wall-mates proceeded to make me laugh & enjoy the afternoon, in bits & pieces around the stress.  and another co-worker very sweetly brought me a white chocolate coconut bar, because it's her favorite & i'd never had it before (it's delicious!!).  : )  

the Lord has truly blessed me w/ such wonderful ppl around me, and i can't gush enough about them.  (around me means here on the interwebs, too.  i'm grateful for each & every eye that reads my rantings & ramblings, comments & thumbs up on fb.  i'm glad that i can share my heart & whatnot!)

the Lord has also blessed me w/ a wonderful family.  aunts jan, judy & nancy called to let me know they're coming to my birthday bash in a couple weeks.  yay!  and mom took me to see a movie tonight - Here Comes The Boom.  EXCELLENT movie!  very uplifting, family friendly, and LOL funny!  reminded me of Pitch Perfect, only in that i laughed through the whole movie & didn't feel bad once for the things i was laughing about.  THAT is good comedy, ppl.  i want more of THOSE kinds of films!!  

so, that's what has been going on in my corner of the world the past couple weeks.  i'm going to do another post full of leyton, anthony & mom pictures from our adventures the past couple weekends.  i have definitely enjoyed my weekends A LOT!  the stress melts away & i just enjoy being w/ mom & the boys when i get the chance.  : )  

what've you guys been up to lately?  i've been trying to keep up w/ ya on fb & reading the blogs i can on my phone!  (another thing to be so thankful for - a phone that lets me listen to Pandora, take pictures, and keep up w/ my friends on the interwebs!  and also words w/ friends.  lol)  

ttfn & you know, i feel a lot better... i think, even tho i know tomorrow will be stressy, i think it'll be okay, too.  and, if maybe mr crushtastic wanted to pick tomorrow to decide he simply HAS to get to know me better... well... a girl can dream!  ; )  

a mish mash of things

the past couple days have been sad days.  happy things have been happening, but i've just been sad.  i know this is a sad time of year for me, and that i just have to allow myself to BE sad, but i was trying hard to be happy today.  it was a struggle.

until i switched my music over to my metallica station, and had a couple cups of coffee.  i literally felt my mood improve as i listed to metallica, godsmack, tool, disturbed, linkin park, and the ppl who sing chalk outline.  i may have mentioned previously that's one of my new favorite songs... : )  

anyway, they drew me out of my sad.  not all the way out, but enough that i didn't feel like crying every three minutes, so i call that a win!

happy things to share

lunch yesterday w/ kris

(crab ragoon & mongolian beef, yumm!)

impromptu meeting yesterday in which i got to see mr crushtastic.

(confession: while seeing him made me happy, being hyper-aware that he was in my direct line of sight, meaning I WAS IN HIS DIRECT LINE OF SIGHT, was kind of nerve-wracking, as i tried not to stare but at the same time see him.  oh my heck.)  

Survivor!

finishing The Renegade Hunter & then reading the end of Born To Bite & then starting Hungry For You.

again.

: ) 

lunch today w/ amy

(gyro!!  hadn't had a gyro in so long & it hit the spot!)

getting to chat w/ my friend & former wall-mate & setting up lunch for tomorrow

turning an irate employee into a friendly, sweet & complimentary employee

dinner w/ michelle

(was going to be symposium, where i'd never been, but we went to biaggi's instead & ohhhh the spinach cannelloni!  *drool*  YUM!)

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!!  : )  

see?  that is one heck of a list of happy things!  

a friend of mine asked me today if i wasn't worried about mr crushtastic reading the blog or "finding out" about my crush from one of the ppl in our area.  our area has a bit of a reputation for ... gossip?  not keeping secrets?  idk.  i had a moment of "OMH WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE COULD FIND OUT?!" and then i realized something, and told her truthfully something that sort of shocked me: 

i don't care if he knows.

not for myself, anyway.  i have no secrets.  

(well, okay, i mean i have SECRETS.  i have things that i don't share w/ anyone, but that is what makes them secrets.  the minute i share something w/ someone, there is the possibility of it "getting out" exists.  which is why i only share things that i want to share.  if i say something about someone, it is something i either have shared w/ them or would share with them if asked.  i try not to participate in gossip, and if i don't know something 100%, i will tell you that i don't know.  i will say i think something to be the case, but there's a possibility i could be wrong.  and i'm never mean-spirited.  ppl or situations or things make me upset/angry/frustrated/annoyed/etc., but that's normal.  no one is going to like EVERYTHING/ONE all the time!  but if i express frustration about something/one, i would express it to them if asked.  i might express it to them in a more polite way than i am doing w/ the friend i'm venting to, but the truth behind it will stay the same whether i'm talking to person A or person B.)

erm, that was a long explanation about secrets... and it may have veered on a tangent or twelve, sorry.

my point, tho, is that mr c is shy, or at least that's my impression of him from the all-too-brief conversations we've had.  and the only reason i would be upset about him knowing that he's my crush is if it embarrassed him.  i fully understand and expect not to be on his radar.  i think he's an uber-polite guy who is friendly in his shyness, and that he talks to me out of politeness, not out of any sense that he shares my crush.  it would be great, fantastic, fabulous & a whole lot of other positive words if he did, of course!

but i'm well aware of my ... 

i can't think of any way to put it that doesn't sound negative toward myself or like i'm begging for reassurance.  i'm not.  i know i'm awesome - God made me!  i know i'm loved and blessed.  i have proof of these things.  : )  however, life has been a series of proofs of my lack of awesomeness in certain areas, and so i have come to accept that, even if i don't like it.  and that acceptance has (obviously) in no way, shape or form affected my ability to have wholly consuming and non-reciprocated crushes.  *laugh*  

GOOD GRIEF!

so, there you have it, friends, family, random interwebs ppl who deign to read this silly little blog of mine.

mr crushtastic, i'll repeat what i posted earlier on fb: 

should you come across this blog, or in some other way discover that you are my mr crushtastic, and i am totally not your ms crushtastic, i hope you'll be flattered and not horrified.  i hope you'll appreciate and understand the fact that you are just incredibly adorable and nice, and i couldn't resist your crushtastic-ness.

: )  

and really, don't mind when i turn bright red.  it's not because i'm embarrassed that you know, or that i am crushing... it's just that i'm a horribly shy person using flamboyant social butterfly-ism to mask the panic & shyness.  sometimes it works, and sometimes i turn bright red.  

(and i've been at this for awhile now because my computer kept being a brat, but has been kind the past few minutes & allowed me to post.  i'm heading back to my book before bed.  i hope your day has been wonderful, dear reader!)

ttfn 

a comment on bullying

first of all, i would like you to all take a moment & visit my friend steph's blog post about a recent teen suicide brought about by bullying.  PLEASE, if you know of a child who is being harassed, if you are being harassed by someone yourself, take whatever steps necessary to stand up for that child, or for yourself.  there ARE ppl who will support you.  find them, let them support you, and then STAND UP and keep STANDING UP.  i don't mean fighting the bully - altho i sometimes wish for the days when you could haul off & hit someone back if they started a fight w/ you, knowing that ppl would take the side of RIGHT over political correctness.  but what i mean by standing up is to be vocal about what's going on.  to your friends, family, teachers, congressmen, clerk at the grocery store, co-workers, boss, boss's boss, EVERYONE.  the only shame in harassment belongs to the one doing the harassing.  shame, embarrassment, whatever you want to call it, that is where the bully's power lies.  bullying is like blackmail.  the person doing the bullying is counting on their victim's not speaking out.  speak out!!  

now, the other side of that is that we, as a society, need to LISTEN when ppl DO speak out!  in the case mentioned in steph's blog, this girl, amanda, spoke out.  she CRIED out for help.  no one stopped her harassers.  

we need to stand up to ppl who use bullying tactics.  we, meaning society.  meaning stop setting up funds & whatnot for kids who commit suicide & start setting up REAL SOLUTIONS to stop the bullies before it gets that far.  kids who are taught to disregard another's life grow up to be adults who disregard another's life.  unless they are taught compassion, unless they are shown the real consequences of their actions... we need to teach our children that helping ppl is not weak, it is desired.  being kind is not something to be laughed at, but aspired to.  

oye.

anyway, that's my five minute spot on the subject.  i will be doing my best to teach my own children (well, nieces & nephews, you know what i mean!) those morals and ethics and logic.  i will be doing my best to be an example of good things, of love.  i will be doing my best to be that example not ONLY to the kids, but to my co-workers and friends and family as well.

i hope you will join me.