this is a really hard time of year for me, as you all likely know. i am trying not to talk about it too much because i feel like i'm healing a little bit, and i don't want to be gloom & doom or whatever. but the past few weeks i have been super stressed and haven't admitted it to myself, let alone anyone else.
but that needs to stop, because i need support, and i need prayer.
i feel like i've been sabotaging myself, and i want to stop!
it's been 5 years, this halloween since my best friend went to Heaven. i miss him, every day. i want his hugs.
it's been a year since my diabetes diagnosis, and at first i was doing so well, being good, doing the things i needed to be doing. (well, after the couple of months of shock!) i took my food intake seriously, i avoided bad snacking options, i switched to diet soda and diet flavored tea. i lost 50 lbs! hooray! and i stuck w/ it for quite a while.
unfortunately, the past few weeks, i have felt myself slipping. i'm drinking less water. i'm snacking more on things that i shouldn't - i'm still watching portions, but instead of carrots, i'm eating carrots and THEN also having a bite of donut. and then having a bite of muffin. and then having a bite of cookie. :| one of those is okay! all three in one work-day period of time is not so much. my blood sugar has been okay, good even. praise the Lord! but that's not the only thing i have to watch. i don't want to gain back the 50 lbs. i need to lose more, not gain it back.
and then the past couple months i've not been paying attention to my finances as i should. i've had to borrow money from mom more than once, to get me thru to the next payday. and then i pay her back - but a week later i have to borrow it back. today i had to borrow a larger amount, because i forgot to add an automatic payment to my check register, and my checking account was overdrawn. :( thankfully, my bank covers me, so i don't have bounced checks. but each time they cover, it costs me nearly $30. NOT GOOD.
mom was once again able to help me out so that i only had one fee instead of 3, but that's still money i have to pay her back at the end of the month, and my end of the month is pretty strapped already.
the holiday season is coming up, and i have a birthday party to plan as well. i'll be 35 in november, you know, and i want not only my traditional party, but i want it to be something extra, for this milestone year. this means that i need to SAVE not overdraw my accounts!
*sigh* i've also been staying up way too late, which i am nipping in the bud starting tonight. so, these are my goals, and these are what i need your prayer support in.
i WILL go to bed before midnight on work nights.
i WILL make better food choices during the day. i WILL pay attention to what i am eating and drink more water instead of eating a cookie.
i WILL pay attention to my spending. and i WILL figure out a way to get things paid off so i don't have them hanging over my head.
thanks, my friends. i appreciate you more than i can even express.
love you!!
ttfn.
