wall of weird

man, no wonder it feels like i haven't written in forever.  it's been nearly all flippin month!  what the heck?  well, i'll tell you.  it's not that i've been lost in my vampires - which i have.  it's more than my computer has issues & it's so much work sometimes to try & do anything on it.  like, right now, it's running like a banshee & i'm sure it's going to konk out on me at any moment.  so i'm saving, saving, cuz i write free-thought-flow like & i don't want to have to re-type everything!  that gets super annoying.  :|  

(no sooner had i written that lil face & hit save - computer went phhht.  cheeky lil chit, she is!  LOL)

i've been slowly adding to my kerrelyn sparks collection, as well as having discovered another author i'm loving - heh - kathy love!  so i am on a hunt for her books, as well.  i picked up a book in lora leigh's breed series, but then i read about another series of hers & now i'm kinda scared to start anything of hers.  since i have it, i'll give it a shot, but i think she might be a bit too on the wild side for me.  we'll see.  i don't enjoy love triangle books - vampire diaries & secret circle notwithstanding.  i like those stories, but i really, really do not like the whole tug of war thing w/ elena & stefan & damon, etc.  just pick a boy & let the other boy go off to find a girl of their own, yeesh!  

anyway!  i have been quite escaping into the books, and having a grand time of it.  i've been to the book rack many times, just soaking in the calmness.  i have needed that calming influence a lot this month.  it's been a really, really tough month.  there's been the mr crushtastic stuff that was stressing me out a bit.  and then something happened which caused a semi-depressed mood even a sweet, sweet sighting of the man himself couldn't shake me out of.  that's how i knew i was having a really bad day - he held the door open for me, was wearing one of my favorite shirts of his, i had my mouth full of apple & managed to swallow to say thank you, he said you're welcome, his voice smooth and deep and normally shiver-inducing... and it only pulled me up from my sadness for about 10 seconds before i felt like curling into a ball & crying the rest of the day. of course, that was tuesday, the day before halloween... 

*sigh*  halloween.  i had a very nice day at home - slept 11 hours & dreamed of daddy & i wanted to go over to mom's & go thru pictures - i want to share some "new" pictures of him w/ y'all!  i read kathy's I Only Have Fangs For You & watched one of my favorite Buffy discs (season 4: Hush) & i did go over to mom's for survivor.  it was a very nice day.  reading all the remembrances of daddy on my & phil's fb walls was really nice.  

and i thought, as is usual, that today i would be out of that mood.  november is my birthday month, i celebrate all month long, and it has become a month of renewal for me, of hope, and possibilities, parties and happiness.  

today was not any of those things.  today was stressful & moody & harsh & ... but also wonderful & fun & blessed.  see, i said something to someone that i thought they already knew, but they didn't & then they panicked & because of that panic, it caused others to panic & now i'm on this project that is tearing the happy right out of me!  it's causing me massive amounts of stress, and no matter how much i try my tricks to talk myself down, they only work for short bursts.  i really don't stress, normally, but i tend to feed off other ppl's emotions & there are some really tense ppl right now!  :(  

ANYWAY.  i share that because i want to remember the stress.  but i also want to remember the points of light, the wonderful, nice friends & co-workers i have.  the boss i am so grateful for because even when she's stressed out, she makes sure to help me w/ my stress.  she compliments my work and dedication, she makes me feel appreciated, and i am so thankful for that!  (november is a month to be thankful,  you know!)  

i was very cranky & witchy today, and i apologized several times to my wall-mates, because that is just so NOT me.  one of them said something that made me warm & fuzzy inside for a minute, or a good solid two, maybe.  she said, "that's okay, it's nice to know you're human."  LOL  i replied - thanks, vampire books! - "mostly."  LOL  then both wall-mates proceeded to make me laugh & enjoy the afternoon, in bits & pieces around the stress.  and another co-worker very sweetly brought me a white chocolate coconut bar, because it's her favorite & i'd never had it before (it's delicious!!).  : )  

the Lord has truly blessed me w/ such wonderful ppl around me, and i can't gush enough about them.  (around me means here on the interwebs, too.  i'm grateful for each & every eye that reads my rantings & ramblings, comments & thumbs up on fb.  i'm glad that i can share my heart & whatnot!)

the Lord has also blessed me w/ a wonderful family.  aunts jan, judy & nancy called to let me know they're coming to my birthday bash in a couple weeks.  yay!  and mom took me to see a movie tonight - Here Comes The Boom.  EXCELLENT movie!  very uplifting, family friendly, and LOL funny!  reminded me of Pitch Perfect, only in that i laughed through the whole movie & didn't feel bad once for the things i was laughing about.  THAT is good comedy, ppl.  i want more of THOSE kinds of films!!  

so, that's what has been going on in my corner of the world the past couple weeks.  i'm going to do another post full of leyton, anthony & mom pictures from our adventures the past couple weekends.  i have definitely enjoyed my weekends A LOT!  the stress melts away & i just enjoy being w/ mom & the boys when i get the chance.  : )  

what've you guys been up to lately?  i've been trying to keep up w/ ya on fb & reading the blogs i can on my phone!  (another thing to be so thankful for - a phone that lets me listen to Pandora, take pictures, and keep up w/ my friends on the interwebs!  and also words w/ friends.  lol)  

ttfn & you know, i feel a lot better... i think, even tho i know tomorrow will be stressy, i think it'll be okay, too.  and, if maybe mr crushtastic wanted to pick tomorrow to decide he simply HAS to get to know me better... well... a girl can dream!  ; )