oh yeah

i had to turn the computer back on because i remembered something that i do have to share.  i need to ask for prayer support.  


this is a really hard time of year for me, as you all likely know.  i am trying not to talk about it too much because i feel like i'm healing a little bit, and i don't want to be gloom & doom or whatever.  but the past few weeks i have been super stressed and haven't admitted it to myself, let alone anyone else.  


but that needs to stop, because i need support, and i need prayer.  


i feel like i've been sabotaging myself, and i want to stop!  


it's been 5 years, this halloween since my best friend went to Heaven.  i miss him, every day.  i want his hugs.  


it's been a year since my diabetes diagnosis, and at first i was doing so well, being good, doing the things i needed to be doing.  (well, after the couple of months of shock!)  i took my food intake seriously, i avoided bad snacking options, i switched to diet soda and diet flavored tea.  i lost 50 lbs!  hooray!  and i stuck w/ it for quite a while.  


unfortunately, the past few weeks, i have felt myself slipping.  i'm drinking less water.  i'm snacking more on things that i shouldn't - i'm still watching portions, but instead of carrots, i'm eating carrots and THEN also having a bite of donut.  and then having a bite of muffin.  and then having a bite of cookie.  :|  one of those is okay!  all three in one work-day period of time is not so much.  my blood sugar has been okay, good even.  praise the Lord!  but that's not the only thing i have to watch.  i don't want to gain back the 50 lbs.  i need to lose more, not gain it back.  


and then the past couple months i've not been paying attention to my finances as i should.  i've had to borrow money from mom more than once, to get me thru to the next payday.  and then i pay her back - but a week later i have to borrow it back.  today i had to borrow a larger amount, because i forgot to add an automatic payment to my check register, and my checking account was overdrawn.  :(  thankfully, my bank covers me, so i don't have bounced checks.  but each time they cover, it costs me nearly $30.  NOT GOOD.


mom was once again able to help me out so that i only had one fee instead of 3, but that's still money i have to pay her back at the end of the month, and my end of the month is pretty strapped already.  


the holiday season is coming up, and i have a birthday party to plan as well.  i'll be 35 in november, you know, and i want not only my traditional party, but i want it to be something extra, for this milestone year.  this means that i need to SAVE not overdraw my accounts!  


*sigh*  i've also been staying up way too late, which i am nipping in the bud starting tonight.  so, these are my goals, and these are what i need your prayer support in.  


i WILL go to bed before midnight on work nights.  


i WILL make better food choices during the day.  i WILL pay attention to what i am eating and drink more water instead of eating a cookie.


i WILL pay attention to my spending.  and i WILL figure out a way to get things paid off so i don't have them hanging over my head.


thanks, my friends.  i appreciate you more than i can even express.


love you!!


ttfn.